Thanksgiving Leftovers

A week with the family in St. Louis showed me what life without the NBA and the internet would be like. It wasn't pretty. One of the few major cities without a franchise, St. Louis treats the league like indoor soccer -- oh, wait, sorry. Indoor soccer coverage starts on page 10 (go Steamers!), the NBA on page 12.

While I was hungry for pro hoops coverage, I certainly wasn't hungry for anything else. Like the rest of you, I've had my fill of turkey and turkey-related items. Thank god my family does a Christmas ham.

Speaking of food, if you're ever in the StL, you might not see much NBA action, but make sure you go to a bakery and ask for a "gooey butter cake." This St. Louis breakfast staple tastes even better than it sounds. If you took half a dozen New Orleans king cakes and compressed them into one delicious, crumbly delight, you might approach the sweet-tooth-sating ecstacy of gooey butter cake. A warning: if you ask only for butter cake, folks will glare at you like the dirty foreigner you obviously are. Make sure to prepend the "gooey" to maximize your coolness factor.

Now that I'm back in Austin, I've had 24 hours to gorge myself on the NBA. Allow me to spit some of it back up for you, my little birdies:

(Wow, that's gross.)

The Mavs went 2-2 during their grueling stretch of 4 games in 5 days. Considering they lost Josh Howard for the back half, it could have been worse. Of course, the real news here is that Dallas played 4 freaking games in 5 freaking days. Didn't we leave 4-in-5s behind with the strike-shortened season 7 years ago? David Stern clearly read my post dismissing the agony of NBA back-to-backs and decided to try and break me. Nice try, Gimli. The Mavs were a TJ Ford moneyball away from going 3-for-4 despite an injury list longer than Return of the King (see how I bring it back home?), and other than Dirk's brainboggling 5-22 shooting night, there were no signs of fatigue.

Best quote from last night came from Dirk: "I was the Bucks' sixth man." Funny but true. Of all the major superstars in the game, no one gets as frustrated as Dirk does during a bad performance, and no one lets that frustration wreck his game as thoroughly. Remember Dirk sinking the Mavs in the game 6 OT vs. Phoenix last summer? He was careening towards the hoop to draw a foul with no plan for getting off a shot, and when he pulled up for a jumper he looked like he had never taken a shot in his life. Then, when one of his teammates made a mistake, he turned his frustration outward and lashed out inappropriately. Last night, Dirk did all of those things. Bogut really bodied him up, and Dirk took to trying to run through him to the basket or just catching and fading with one of those ugly, formless shots he takes when he's forcing the issue. It got so bad, TJ Ford stopped him twice. Twice. That kind of switch should have Dirk drooling, but he failed to properly post him up either time and nearly had one of those shots blocked by the wee one. Bad times. When he's struggling that much, Avery Johnson needs to pull him for a good 4 minutes to cool him down. Leaving him on the floor when he loses his sh*t just kills the Mavs.

As for the Rockets, they took way too long to put away the Hawks. Is there a sadder backcourt than Houston's? Well, yeah, the Longhorns' overhyped guard tandem featuring that fraud of a PG Daniel Gibson comes to mind, but he isn't wrecking some pro team's future just yet. Everyone knows the Alston-James trade was a hijacking, but David Wesley and Derek Anderson look cooked, too. Neither can shoot 40%, they chew up a combined 16 shots per game, they get killed off the dribble, and neither seems concerned with passing much. Yecch. Luther Head nearly beat the Mavs byhimself last week, but he's still a year away from being a legit starter. Unfortunately, he plays more like a 2 than a 1, and at 6-3, that's less than ideal. The Rockets should work on his passing, particularly into the post. I hear they have a pretty good player down there. Meanwhile, Tracy says he may still be dinged up and won't know for sure until he wakes up after the Atlanta game. I say, why run him out there against the Hawks? If your team without him can't beat that gutless, clueless team at home, there isn't much hope for advancing past the first round with him. A top-10 pick and a crack at someone like Sheldon Williams might not be the worst thing to happen to the Rockets. If they don't let T-Mac get completely healthy, there's nothing to be gained by wearing him out only to slip into the playoffs and get waxed.

The Spurs are still great, but how about those Bulls smacking them down in SA? Between the Bulls and Bucks, I'd like to say I told you so, but no one's really been arguing with me. In case anyone's been thinking it, though: I told you so.

Give Mavs their due, Stein!

It isn't often that one of the top three teams in ESPN's NBA Power Rankings is undefeated against the other two. It's freaking unheard of for that team to be ranked third among them. And yet, despite shellacking both the Spurs and Pistons, the Mavs find themselves snubbed in precisely that way.

Stein opens by reminding us that both the Pistons and Spurs were on the second night of a back-to-back, but he fails to mention that the Spurs were at home blowing out Cleveland by 20+ while resting their guys in the 4th. The Pistons played a physical Rockets team with a hobbled T-Mac, but is that an excuse for a "defense first" team to gack up 40 first-quarter points?

Back-to-backs are part of NBA life. The Mavs lost to Utah the night after opening with a run-and-gun OT win vs. Phoenix, but:
1) Nowitzki and Howard played a combined 100 minutes the night before.
2) They kept the game close (and in fact led most of the way) before finally tuckering out in the 4th.

So why would the Spurs, as rested and with as little travel as possible in a back-to-back situation, get run out of the gym? Why would the Pistons fail to show up at the beginning of the game, when they should still have some gas in the tank? Isn't it just possible the Mavs blew those teams out legitimately?

The biggest NBA story from the weekend was the Pistons giving up a 40 point first quarter. They haven't done that in decades. Plus, the Mavs shot 59% for the game. They played the kind of defense on which the Pistons supposedly pride themselves.

This game definitely said some things about the Mavericks. Perhaps they're developing the kind of kick-it-up-a-notch-against-the-big-boys mentality championship teams often demonstrate in the regular season. Maybe they're peaking too early and will flame out before season's end. But one thing's for sure: they're the best team in the league today and they have the wins to prove it. For one week, at least, they deserve to be on top.

Still bullish on Chicago

Turns out Andrew Bynum isn't fat anymore. Tonight he got his first meaningful minutes in the 4th quarter for LA, and with less than a minute left and down by 1, Smush Parker dumped the ball to Bynum for a crucial shot. Unfortunately, he had to shoot it over Tyson Chandler, who went straight up for the kind of humilating rejection some guys don't get over their entire career.

There's nothing shocking about saying the Lakers suck. Kobe blew up tonight and they still got punked in their own gym, scoring only a single point in the last 4 minutes. But the other team had something to do with that. For some reason, though, no one wants to take the Bull seriously. After their solid OT loss to San Antonio, we pimped them as viable contenders for the Junior Conference crown. Today we go farther: the Bulls will win the East, either this year or next.

If I could build a contending team, I'd want a beast patrolling the paint, a guy who boards and blocks with ferocity. I'd want a backcourt of interchangeable shooters who can handle the rock and penetrate. I'd want my small forward to be a slasher and outstanding perimeter defender. I'd want my power forward to be a burly putback machine. Throw in a bench with an unconscious gunner, some hustle guys, and Eric Piatkowski's haircut, and I'd be one happy GM.

I'm guessing John Paxson knows the feeling.

Hinrich, Duhon, and Gordon in back. Deng and Nocioni on the wing. Sweetney and Songaila down low. And Chandler lurking. Where's the weakness? It's a small backcourt, I suppose, but Chandler compensates around the rim. They lack an obvious franchise player but have a clear, efficient rotation in which everyone knows his role and dedicates himself to it. They could probably use more seasoning.

In the end, if those are the worst things you can say about a squad, you probably have to consider them "for real." They look at least as real as those Motor City impersonators the Mavs blew out by 37 Saturday night. And if I were Joe Dumars, I'd trade Flip Saunders for Scott Skiles in a Detroit second. A good coach goes a long way in closing that seasoning gap, and with Larry Brown flaming out in NYC, the Pistons lost an edge that won't become apparent until May. When it does, don't be surprised if the Bulls are the ones who expose it.

Christie may be done (thank goodness)

The Dallas Morning News is reporting today that Doug Christie's gone to Seattle for a closer look at his ankle and that his options range from "resting the ankle for a brief time to retirement." Wow. 60 hours ago he was on the court and now he may have to retire.

As anyone who's seen Dallas knows, Christie's been getting killed on both ends of the floor. As the DMN pointed out, when the Mavs beat the Spurs, Christie was forced to guard Bruce Bowen because they couldn't risk him on Parker or Ginobli. And this was a guy Dallas was starting for his defensive presence? Marquis Daniels is a legit 2-guard in this league, and Stackhouse will return shortly. As we said at the beginning of the year, the Mavs did not, do not, and will not need Doug Christie unless he can bring elite perimeter defense to the floor.

And can we do something about all of the "DNP - Coach's Decision"s in the boxscore? Doug was officially listed as precisely that last night, but what part of that decision was Avery's? Given that Doug was on a plane to Seattle, I'm going to venture that the decision was more up to time and space than the Little General. The NBA needs more clarity on who's out because they suck like a jet engine (Jerome James) and who's out because they're broken (Doug Christie).

Well, Doug, if this is it, best of luck. If and when Jackie goes OJ on you, we'll be sure to prosecute on your behalf. [Insert lame hand signal of affection]

Devotion. Domination. Light arson.

Calvin Klein's Obedience.

Jingling and jangling

No good analysis here, just a bit of a funk. We traded James for Alston. Tracy's playing hurt. We're listless, largely playing a game of "give it to Tracy and we'll see what happens." Then the Spurs.

Parker made our guard defense (and once, even our post presence) look foolish. Yao could not stay in front of Duncan when he faced the basket in the post. I felt like we'd get a patented TMac rally if we could climb back within 10 going into the fourth, but that 11 point deficit kept turning back into a 15 point hole.

Three bright spots: Tracy's second half, Luther Head's second half, Bowen getting called for the chin foul on Tracy's elbow. The last one is just me being a sore loser.

Good times in Clipperland

Every year, the Western conference showcases some fraudulent team off to a hot start. Most years, those teams fade shortly after the All-Star break or sooner. Occasionally, one of those frauds keeps up the pace all year, as in the case of last year's Sonics. This doesn't make them any less fraudulent, it just means they're a statistical anomaly.

I'm so angry about the entire Northwest division being sub-.500 I can't see straight, but that fraudulency requires special attention at a later date. Today we concentrate on the Clippers, their players, the organization, their broadcasters, the mothers of the towel boys, and anyone else who might be giving the Mavs the crook eye. Please review my previous post if you're curious why.

Let's start with the broadcasters. My futile search for the names of these tools led me to some amusing notes from a T-Wolves blogger. Apparently I'm not the only opposing fan who found them, um, lacking. At one point last night they engaged in some kind of surreal Sam Cassell praise-off. A rough approximation:
"He makes the whole team better!"
"Yeah, but look at what he's doing on his own out there!"
"How can you even gameplan to stop a guy like that? He can drive, shoot, post-up; he's a matchup nightmare!"
"And his leadership -- this team's growing leaps and bounds every game!"
"Don't even get me started on his charitable contributions to the community! I think he's being knighted in India, or wherever they do that sort of thing!"
"And he's so incredibly, unbelievably gracious after we blow him on-air like this!"
"Hah, you got me there, Bob! Pass the Dentyne!"

Piece of advice, Sam: get the restraining order now before this gets out of hand. Do it before the plastic surgery, before you try to get your soul back after stabbing every other team you've ever been on in the heart, before you start spazzing out over getting paid one last time. Another piece of advice: When you do start the spaz-out, remember that it's hard for owners and GMs to pay attention to what you're saying when your freakishly monstrous chompers start clattering out of control and your mole-eyes bug in and out. Those guys are usually just praying you don't start eating their children, so it's hard to remember to talk numbers. Take a deep breath and pop whatever pill it is that keeps you from melting in the sun. Try to enjoy the ride for once before you get pushed out the door one more time for yet another younger, less selfish player (Shaun Livingston, in this case).

And how long before Cassell and Mobley start flailing their arms at each other and warning that if the other gets hits its not his fault because, quote-unquote, you walked into it? Try finding two bigger shothogs in the same backcourt. Seriously, how long do we have to wait before they're called for a jump ball on a handoff at the top of the key because neither will actually let go of the rock? Mobley's a career 43% shooter, a one-dimensional poor man's Allan Houston with no discernable trait other than streakiness. How are you not fired from the league yet?

But I guess if you were going to fire someone, Elgin Baylor would come first. Everybody knows he can't actually manage a team, but did you know he has trouble thinking and talking, too? Some Elgin-isms:
-"Coaching is easy. Winning is the hard part."
-"In the long run, we feel he (Korolev) has more upside."
-"I like beans."
Now I hate to bash on the elderly, but would someone please tell Gramps to turn off "The Price is Right" and wipe the apple sauce off his chin? This team stinks like death at the top with the ultimate retread coach in Dunleavy, a doddering Alzheimer's patient in Baylor, and penny-pinching party-pooper Donald Sterling doing everything he can to do absolutely nothing he doesn't have to do.

Do they have some nice players in Brand and Maggette? Sure. Do they have any hope of being anything other than this year's Sonics? Nope. So listen up, Clipper fan: flirting with relevance has you all atwitter, and I get that. But maybe you should make the playoffs before you start talking about having someone's "number." You know what number the Mavs have? 32. That's the number of playoff wins Dallas has since you guys lost the map to the postseason. Until you've got anything other than a goose egg to put up against it, shut up and be happy you aren't a D-league team. Yet.

The last word

Wow.

Seeing red (and it ain't Clipper red or Michael Redd)

Still basking in the glow of another Mavericks win, I settled in to watch a few minutes of Clips/Bucks. LA was leading comfortably in the third, and Sam Cassell was thumbing his grotesque nose at my statistical claims of his incompetance by molesting TJ Ford in the post. I was duly impressed by their team-wide hustle and passing acumen.

Then their homer color announcer breaks out this one: "Seriously, is there another team in the West, other than the Spurs, who are better than the Clippers?" The play-by-play guy tries to cover: "Well, Dallas might make an argument." My new favorite guy in the universe retorts: "The Clippers have their number! That team doesn't scare me."

Uh-huh.

Response forthcoming.

A tale of 2 centers

Shortly after giving up a 15-0 run to start the 3rd quarter, the Mavericks found themselves down 64-45 to the Nuggets. Erick Dampier's line to this point is astounding: 11 minutes, no points, no shots, no rebounds, no blocks or steals -- the only non-zeroes on his sheet were 4 turnovers and 4 fouls. That has to rank as one of the most jaw-droppingly inefficient stinkbombs ever laid on an NBA court. 11 minutes, 8 negative plays, 0 positive ones. My goodness.

Dampier didn't set foot on the floor the rest of the night, so you can see that line in the boxscore. You might also notice this one from DeSagana Diop: 37 minutes, 4 points on 2-5 shooting, 16 rebounds, 6 blocks, 2 steals, an assist, and no turnovers.

Any guesses as to how the Mavs were able to fight back for an ugly 83-80 win?

For one night, at least, Diop gave Dallas their own version of Ben Wallace. He's been playing well all year in short bursts, so the quality of his play isn't totally shocking, but can he keep it up in extended minutes? Surely Avery has to recognize how much harm Dampier's been doing to the team, and after this comeback, maybe the Little General will give his newest big guy a shot at the starting job.

Play of the game
With 10 seconds left and the Nugs down 1 with the ball, Denver isolates Carmelo on Daniels. Anthony gets past Daniels, and Dirk is waiting. Dirk goes straight up, but 'Melo uses the patented Karl Malone knee to clear space. He double-clutches and puts up the layup... and Diop flys in for a totally clean block that lands in the hands of Devin Harris with 1 second left. Fitting end to the best game of his life.

I kept a running diary of the game. Some tidbits:

With 1:42 left in the first quarter, I wrote: "All 5 Nuggets touch the ball for at least the fourth time this quarter, each of them leading to easy looks. Coach Dale would be proud." Unfortunately for the Nugs, they completely abandoned ball movement in the 4th quarter. Every call was a Miller or 'Melo iso play, and too much standing around killed their momentum. F***ing Shooter must've gotten ahold of the coaching wallet.

3 minutes into the 3rd, the Nugs are 13 points into their 15 point run when Dirk delivers a hard foul to recent neck-breakee DerMarr Johnson on a fast break off a Terry miss. After the smackdown, Dirk makes his constipated tantrum face, slams his hands together, and shouts loud enough for the mikes to pick it up. Mavs color guy Bob Ortegel chimes in, "We've been around Dirk long enough to be able to read his body language and facial expressions -- and I'll tell ya, he's a little frustrated right now." I have no idea why Cuban's complaining about the quality of NBA commentary these days.

As much as this game was all about Diop, here's a taste of the domination Nowitzki can bring...
7:40, Q4: Dirk abuses some guy from Holland on a sick spin and fade. 72-68, DEN.
7:24, Q4: Dirk switches onto Andre Miller and shuts him down.
7:02, Q4: Dirk pump fakes the 3 and steps in for a swish from 20. 72-70, DEN.
6:11, Q4: Dirk buries the 3 for the lead at last. 73-72, DAL.
That's 7 points and a key stop in the critical 90 seconds during which the Mavs made that extra-difficult push to get over the hump against a team that had held a big lead only minutes before.

For the entire second-half comeback (Dallas outscored Denver 38-16 after being down 19), the Mavs used Nowitzki, Diop, Harris, and Daniels. Armstrong and Terry alternated in and out. Josh Howard nowhere to be found after looking like mini-Dampier in the first half.

I have to give AJ credit: there were few times in this game he made a substitution or play call that stood out negatively. I guess that's why he now owns a 21-4 regular season coaching record.

100% off topic: The Mouse and the Mask

Since 2001, Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block of absurd, irreverent Sunday night cartoons has grown from zero-visibility hipster to pop-culture linebacker. Kids of all ages tune in weekly for 15 minute updates from characters ranging from the dysfunctional happy meal heroes in Aqua Teen Hunger Force to vapid attorney Harvey Birdman and his "who's who" rolodex of Hanna-Barbera clientele. But the small screen is just the beginning; DVD sales for A.T.H.F. have been so strong that a wide-release film is in pre-production and slated for 2006. It seems the only media entry missing from the eminently marketable Adult Swim product line is a hit CD.

Turns out they may not have to wait long on that one, either.

On "The Mouse and the Mask," DJ Danger Mouse and MF Doom team up as "Danger Doom" for a farcical funkfest inspired by (and featuring hilarious original appearances from) the finest Adult Swimmers: Master Shake, Brak, Space Ghost, the Mooninites, Meatwad, Carl, and others. While it would be easy to assume that it was just another gimmicky concept album, "The Mouse and the Mask" is more like the "Assisted-Living Dracula" of underground hip-hop: really, really good once you get into it.

It should come as no surprise a beatmaker/producer named after a relatively obscure '70s cartoon would have an interest in laying down tracks for an Adult Swim disc. Danger Mouse's trademark staccato beats and infectious instrumental loops provide the album's soul and mesh organically with MF Doom's stick-and-move wordplay. Even if you've never seen an Adult Swim cartoon, you'll keep the CD on repeat for its cheeky attitude and groovy atmosphere. After all, it's not like subject matter is anything other than icing on the hip-hop cake .

That said, if you do happen to be a fan of any of the shows, "The Mouse and the Mask" will almost certainly wind up on your short list for album of the year. Before a single lyric is uttered, Brak questions your intelligence for buying the album and Lois Griffin tells you to [bleep] yourself. Fortunately, other than a few priceless rhymes from Err (of Mooninite fame) and Meatwad, input from the characters is kept at the cameo level; one can only imagine the awkwardness of a sustained Space Ghost rap, for example. This choice, along with avoiding too many overt Adult Swim references in the lyrics, may be the biggest reason the album transcends contrivance and maintains way more cred than you'd expect. Then again, when guest stars like Talib Kweli join the fray, it's hard not to take the music seriously... or as seriously as you should take songs with titles like "Sofa King (Retarded)," anyway. Try saying that one a few times fast and see if you can keep a straight face.

Grab this disc from iTunes ASAP and let the head-bopping begin.

Learned my lesson

7 is the Bucks' magic number. If the Bucks are down 7 in the 4th, I'm not allowed to change the channel. As I recounted on opening night, they came back from 7 down in the last 2 minutes to steal a big OT win from the Sixers.

Last night, though, was even more impressive. I watched them battle back from 16 down to within 3 to start the fourth, but the Pacers quickly ran it back out to double digits. With less than 90 seconds left, Milwaukee was down 7 and the situation looked grim, so I flipped to Bulls-Jazz.

Oops.

Mo Williams drains a 26-footer with no time left to win by one. So, yeah, go Bucks. Sorry I bailed on you.

Mavs look bad in a good win

Man, playing in Oklahoma City must feel like a college game to NBA players. The fans sit right on top of you and shriek from start to finish. The Mavs went old-school, relying on their offense to carry them to a big win in a tough arena. Unfortunately, they let the Hornets shoot 55%, and in the fourth, they couldn't stop the bleeding. At one point, the ball bounced to a blind and deaf kid in the front row who picked it up and used a pick from P.J. Brown to go straight to the cup for an easy deuce. Okay, well, maybe that's not true, but if you substitute that kid for Chris Paul and say that it happened like a hundred times it is.

The Mavs cannot defend the point. If they're going to be this bad at it, they might as well have kept Nash. Terry is getting annihilated. Harris was defending well but was playing off-guard for most of the fourth quarter (and scoring with ease, by the way).

Why wasn't Harris playing the one with Daniels at the two? Because Terry's fourth quarter offense was carrying Dallas. But if Harris was doing well and can man the point, maybe the Mavs have to suck it up and put JT on the bench down the stretch if a rookie is lighting him up for 10-15 from the floor.

11/14 Edit:
To back up my claims of ineffectiveness, please note that the Mavs are now giving up an average opponent PER of 22.1 at the PG position. While they are collecting a 17.2 themselves, which is above league average, this discrepancy is unacceptable. Somehow Phoenix only gives up a PER of 13.9 at PG with supposed siv Nash on the floor for most of the game.

PF numbers tell the story

So I'll get off my stat kick soon, but following up on a friend's request, I dug up team production at the power forward position, both in terms of how a team rates at the 4 and how they defend it. Public perception holds that this is the deepest, most star-studded position in the NBA, and I'm inclined to agree. Duncan, KG, Dirk, Gasol, Brand, K-Mart, Randolph, Webber, and Boozer are entrenched, and up-and-comers like Dwight Howard, Okafor, and Bogut play there for the majority of their minutes. So how do teams stack up at the toughest position to play night-in, night-out?

These numbers are compiled from the team pages on 82games.com and are based on Hollinger's Player Efficiency Rating. The Wikipedia has a thorough breakdown of his formula, if you're curious. Remember that it accounts for both offensive and defensive numbers, as well as turnovers.

The LA Clippers suck less this year, and much attention has been focused on their new backcourt of irresponsible shooters, Sam Cassell and Cuttino Mobley. However, the team is actually underperforming vs. the league average at the PG and SG positions. Where they shine is at power forward. The Clips are leading the league with a power forward PER of 27.1 and holding opposing PFs to 13.8, slightly below league average. They're getting out PERed (purred?) at point, off guard, and center by a wide margin, and their SFs only outperform the opposition by 1.2. Elton Brand owns the PF slot, though, and that certainly helps explain their strong start.

Remember when the Knicks had a roster full of undersized power forwards? Remember when they dumped them for a slew of underachieving centers? Well, now they rate an NBA-worst 8.9 PER at PF. The Knickers cough up a PER of 21.9 for their opponents, too, so it's an all-around crap fest at the 4-spot in MSG. I'd say Isiah wishes he had a guy like Mike Sweetney back, but I'm guessing he's never heard of the Player Efficiency Rating. I'm not even sure he can spell "Efficiency." Or "Isiah" for that matter. But I bet he can spot one in the mirror.

Phoenix gives up an atrocious PER of 22.1 while the guys in their unis score a 14.7. Seattle's the only team doing an even worse job defending the big guys: they give up 25.2 on a nightly basis. That's about what All-NBA first-teamer Dirk Nowitzki averaged last year, meaning every night they take the court, some random PF lights them up like the Blonde Bomber.

The *only* team with a winning record that's giving up more than they get at PF is Golden State. The only teams with a losing record and a better PF PER than their opponents are Portland and Sacramento.

A full rundown of PF PER numbers by team, with theirs/opponents:

ATL: 10.0/20.0 (-10, ouch)
BOS: 11.0/09.9 (who's guarding the 4 like a beast?)
CHA: 12.5/16.4
CHI: 14.0/11.3 (Chandler effect)
CLE: 20.2/19.0 (Gooden effect, unfortunately)
DAL: 16.3/14.7
DEN: 14.9/12.0
DET: 16.0/12.2
GSW: 13.1/15.9
HOU: 11.1/11.6
IND: 14.7/13.4
LAC: 27.1/13.8
LAL: 16.1/12.8
MEM: 20.9/16.5
MIA: 15.6/17.1
MIL: 18.2/15.8
MIN: 23.3/20.4 (I thought KG played D)
NJN: 14.2/12.9
NOK: 09.7/18.4 (ouch)
NYK: 08.9/21.9 (still ugly)
ORL: 12.8/19.3
PHI: 14.7/16.4
PHO: 14.7/22.1
POR: 20.2/12.4
SAC: 18.8/12.2
SAN: 15.9/15.5
SEA: 14.5/25.2
TOR: 17.2/18.1 (need more D from Bosh)
UTA: 21.6/16.5
WAS: 17.5/16.8

It appears you can't underestimate the value of a serviceable power forward.

Texas-sized stats

Numbers matter, and while I try to talk about some of the things I see that don't show up in box scores, some very intriguing stats are also seldom reported. For more useful numbers than just PPG and the like, make sure to visit 82games.com; those guys make number-crunching cool. Cooler, anyway.

Tracy McGrady's injury has skewed any Rockets-related numbers thus far, but without him, it appears that the best lineup for Houston is Alston-Wesley-Anderson-Howard-Ming. Both times that unit was on the floor, it outscored its opponents (+7 overall). They didn't shoot that well (.438) but rebounded at 117% of the Rockets' norm.

Stromile Swift has a +/- rating of 0.00. So far, it honestly hasn't mattered whether or not he's on the floor; the Rockets are scoring at defending at exactly the same clip. However, the Rockets are getting outscored by 13.5 points per 48 minutes when Yao sits, though I'm sure that would be lower if Tracy were playing.

San Antonio, meanwhile, is getting outscored 117-147 when Tony Parker rides the pine. That should frighten little children anywhere near the Alamo; all that talk of Van Exel helping is a total lie. The team is +11.8 points per 48 minutes when Nick sits and +10.7 when Udrih isn't stinking up the gym. Seriously. So the Spurs need Parker -- apparently even more than Duncan, who has a positive +/- ratio (+7.4) but has still watched his team outscore the oppposition 110-108 when he rests.

Using John Hollinger's PER system, which calculates a Player's Efficiency Rating with a thorough formula weighting and compiling everything from boards to missed shots to turnovers, we quantifiably demonstrate the defensive value of Bowen and Ginobli. An average PER is around 15, and the Spurs hold opposing shooting guards to a PER of 6.9. That's bah-rutal.

Dallas happens to shoot jumpers 65% of the time compared to just 61% for San Antonio. This pales in comparison to Houston, though, which shoots jumpers on 70% of their possessions. Yikes. While the Mavs have seen opponents draw 15 charges to Dallas' 9, the Mavs have thrown 11 fewer "bad passes" and given up two fewer FT attempts per game than they're getting.

Knowing really is half the battle, ain't it?

And on the 7th day, he reviewed

Generally, romantic comedies represent everything wrong with the Hollywood studio system. Cokehead execs slap together two random stars with some heat (saaaay, Zach Braff and Ziyi Zhang) in a lamebrain concept (what if the President's lazy brother fell for this hot Chinese diplomat who was, like, a total spy and stuff?) with a script cobblied together from other high-grossing snorefests (it'll be "Hitch" in the world of "The Contender!").

Now, a rom-com doesn't have to be that bad. If you throw in John Cusack, there's a chance of decency ("High Fidelity"). Add his real-life best pal Jeremy Piven as the boisterous sidekick and you're at least going to get some funny scenes in a crap flick ("Serendipity"). But if you also let John write the script, make him a hit man, mix in a great '80s soundtrack, and send him back to high school, well, them thar's the makin's of a top 10 movie, and one with memorable quotes to spare. So, without further ado:

Week 1 NBA Review, by "Grosse Point Blank"

"I guess you could say I went West. You know, the way of Horatio Alger, Davy Crockett, the Donner Party..." -Martin Blank (John Cusack)

Oh, Atlanta. Opening at Golden State, at the Clips, and at Portland before getting the Lakers at home was a tough way to start the year. Last season, any team would salivate at the chance to feast on the underachieving left coast, but the pecking order is a little different this year -- well, except for you, Atlanta. You still suck like "French Kiss."

"Ten years, man! TEN YEARS! Ten years!" -Paul Spericki (Jeremy Piven)

Speaking of Golden State, it's been awhile, huh? Punking the Bucks in Milwaukee proved to me that this team can stick around in the playoff picture this season.
-1 w/o Baron, +3 w/ him = early MVP candidate.

"That punk is either in love with that guy's daughter or he's got a newfound respect for life!" -Grocer (Dan Ackroyd)

Really, Phil, what brought you back? Was it the tantalizing line-up featuring Smush Parker at the point? How about a bench so deep the Mankato Scarlets would be jealous? Could it have been a desire to finally teach the game instead of just handing out Sun Tzu pamphlets to any team with the best 2 players in the league on them? Or was it a certain former Playboy model who works for Daddy and has you wrapped around her little finger?

"Sir, it's out of my hands. The gods want you to go back home, and they want you to delete someone while you're there." -Marcella (Joan Cusack)

Or maybe the Lakers just want Phil back to chase off Kobe so they can build around that fat kid they drafted.

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's, well, broken. " - Debi Newberry (Minnie Driver)

There's breaking news today that Vanessa Bryant is pregnant. I wonder how Kobe feels about raising Karl Malone's kid?

"I know what I do isn't... moral, per se..." -Martin Blank

Nenad Krstic is averaging 5 fouls per game through 4 games and he's doing it in less than 30 minutes per. Even Yao Ming is impressed.

"Well, I was looking for some validation in my life, but apparently came up SHORT!" -Paul Spericki

Eddy Curry. Jerome James. Jamal Crawford. Larry Brown. And, of course, Isiah Thomas. Your 0-3 New York Knickerbockers, ladies and gentlemen.

"Okay, well, I'll see you at the 'I've peaked and I'm kidding myself' party." -Paul Spericki

Can we please stop talking about the Suns and Sonics now? The Suns lost at home to the Kings, who were beaten by like 60 in Oklahoma City. They had their shot, they blew it, and now they're left with Shawn Marion, Steve Nash, and the #2 guy on the board at Honest Bob's Used Auto Superplex running the show. The Sonics, meanwhile, are busy losing by almost 30 (no exaggeration this time, sadly) to the Grizz. They have Johan "Don't call me Sebastian Bach" Petro manning the middle. These teams flared up for a good season but will now have trouble making the playoffs. I'll start paying attention to the Marc Steins of the world once they stop reading last season's "USA Today."

"I work at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southland." -Martin Blank

Did you know Kerry Kittles was out of the league?

"They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? 'I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?'" -Martin Blank

Welcome back, Ron. We missed you.

Oddly enough, Spurs a work in progress

Mystery man: In 32 minutes off the Spurs' bench, this player shot 3-14 and scored 8 points. He almost single-handedly cost the Spurs last night's game against the Bulls. Can you name him?

If I have to answer, you haven't been paying attention to texasnba.com (yes, we own that URL now and it forwards to this site).

The Spurs are very, very good, but they're not perfect yet. Some lessons learned from last night's game:

*The Bulls basically played Manu sideways, humping his inside shoulder while giving him the outside edge. Every time I saw this, Manu took that outside lane to the hoop and bad things happened. He either traveled, missed a short J, or, as he did on the final possession in regulation, drove too deep and pinned himself on the baseline. Scott Skiles knows defense, and I suspect he's found a weakness in Manu's game. Ginobli better work on it or other coaches will soon follow suit.

*Nazr Mohammed needs more minutes. He impacts both ends of the floor significantly, but I'm wasting cyberspace with that statement because you already know that. Why doesn't Popovich? There's nothing to suggest he's only effective in short bursts, either. Very bizarre.

*Pop also doesn't know how to use Finley and Van Exel yet. At the end of regulation, Robert Horry had fouled out. For the final possession, he put Duncan, Ginobli, Parker, and Bowen on the floor. The "big shooter" slot normally filled by Horry was filled by... yep, you guessed it, mystery man Michael Finley. [Scooby] Bowwwrr? [/Scooby] Isn't this exactly what SA brought Nick in to do? At this point, Finley was 2-14. Sure, Nick was 1-4, but which guy thrives on stealing the opponent's kidney and leaving him in a tub of ice? I mean, Finley did not have it. Why not run out the conscience-less Van Exel as a more legitimate final option? At the very least, don't you think the Bulls would have taken his presence more seriously?

This was a big win, though. The Bulls are a legit threat in the East, and the Spurs withstood a lot of hacking and slapping to gut out the road OT win. Parker hit 6/6 huge free throws down the stretch and in overtime; that's major progress for a career 70% FT shooter.

As for the Bulls, is there anyone more mercurial than Ben Gordon? We all remember his heroics from last year, but in the first couple possessions of OT, he bricked a contested 20-footer with like 18 on the shot clock, fouled Parker, and turned the ball over. Pretty hard to win a 5 minute period with that kind of start.

Miami already unraveling?

From Stein's Daily Dime (which is quoting the Sun Sentinel):
In the wake of Saturday's loss, Gary Payton questioned some of the offensive tactics of coach Stan Van Gundy. 'If I was the coach, I would do it a different way,' Payton said. He made his comment while addressing Van Gundy's preference for constant ball movement instead of playing directly to a hot hand.

The Sentinel article included this retort from SVG:
Van Gundy expressed displeasure after his team blew a nine-point fourth-quarter lead against the Bucks, citing players trying to do too much on their own."Their way of getting it done didn't work," he said of yet another night with a high turnover count.

But, hey, it's all in good fun, right? The piece also said:
Payton insisted he would not be an issue for Van Gundy. In fact, he offered his comments in front of an ESPN Radio microphone from a Milwaukee affiliate in an easy-going, non-confrontational manner."I can't come up in here and be a menace to him," Payton said.

And folks said Payton would be a cancer. Pfff.

Austin Toros getting some talent

According to The New York Times, Julius Hodge and Linas Kleiza will be playing in Austin to start the NBA D-league season. Might be worth checking out; Julius Hodge in particular has a chance to be a very solid pro.

Finley is no Nash

Most people predicted a Dallas decline this year because we lost another one of the so-called “Big Three.” Nash tore up the league once he left, and with Finley leaving, there was much national hubbub over the difficulty in replacing “another superstar” who was certain to do the same.

Man, do I hate national hubbub -- and not just for its general hubbubery, but for all the ways in which the lazy strip-club boozehounds who call themselves NBA columnists base their current opinions on what they remember from when they actually paid attention to the game.

"Look at me! I make boatloads of cash writing about the NBA, which I view through my patent-pending combo of rose-colored glasses and drunk goggles."

1) Michael Finley isn't in his prime anymore. Did you see him kill us during games 3-6 of the WC semis last year? He hasn't taken the ball to the hoop since '02, and that was only because he got confused and thought they'd moved in the 3-point line. Turns out it was just the new charge circle under the hoop.

2) Finley was quoted several times last year about his apprehension over moving to a bench role with the Mavs. Unlike Reggie Miller, he was resistant to winding down his career gracefully in a reserve role for his team. He admitted he probably would do it, but he openly said he wasn't going to be happy about it. Now, once he got released, he hopped on the Spurs' gravy train as a sub, but this was not going to go smoothly in Dallas.

3) Finley is not a clutch player, nor one who responds well to pressure. Nash absolutely killed the Mavs every time he saw them last year, and even in our OT win this season. He thrives on the same type of pressure you face when gunning for a title. He may not be able to play championship D, but he can take the heat.

And Finley? Well, examine this quote from the SA Express-News after the Mavs beat the Spurs all about the face and head while Finely shot 1-6: "It was just an overall weird feeling," Finley said. "I was trying to put extra pressure on myself to make every shot and try to play a perfect game to win. As a result, I didn't play one of my better games."

There are a lot of good intangibles left in Michael Finley, and he may well be a part of a championship team this year. But for every time he helps shoot them to victory, there will be 2-3 nights like this one, where he fails to show up at all.

If he can't take the heat of a return to Dallas, how on Earth do Spurs fans think he'll handle a big shot in the playoffs? Let this Mavs fan assure you: with a flat-footed fadeaway clang that'll leave you longing for Steve Kerr.

Good thing I don't actually gamble

Well, so much for the ol' gambling predictions. I open 1-4 to start the year, but I remain undaunted! Better picks to come or my name isn't Fast Eddie...

The good kind of sinning

Got some extra dough burning a hole in your pocket and aching to feel oh-so-good being bad? Here are some NBA plays I’d consider making tonight:

Timberwolves +4 at Sonics
So the Sonics get punked out by the Clips in their home opener and they’re still giving up 4 to KG’s ‘Wolves? I realize Minny was a bust last year while the Sonics fraudulently lucked their way into 50-win territory, but I see more talent on the Minnesota roster and it played pretty well on opening night. Rashad McCants can shoot any team out of a game but he’s not getting enough minutes to sink the T-Wolves just yet. You’re not just betting on KG here, you’re betting that Seattle minus glue guys like Antonio Daniels and, oh, I don’t know, former coach Nate McMillan are due for a massive backslide.

Magic +3 vs Grizzles
The Magic hung tough vs. Indy, and after watching the Pacers grit it out against Miami last night, I’m convinced Orlando will be dangerous in their own gym. Meanwhile, the Grizzles looked lost and lethargic in their home-opening blowout loss, and I have a feeling that Jerry West’s patented management combo of Alzheimer’s, a dartboard, and asking the grandkids for advice has finally caught up with the Grizz. Dwight Howard will molest Pau Gasol. I like the Magic straight up, but take the points.

Pistons -4 at Celtics
The Flip Saunders era will end badly in Detroit, but it appears to be starting well. Chauncey likes Flip’s offense and it showed on Wednesday. I think the Celts having to go to OT vs the Knicks says more about where Boston is at than the Knickerbockers. They’re awfully young and should be much more dangerous in a few months, but for now, I’ll take the Valvoline crew to git ‘er dun.

Wizards/Knicks under 200
I think the Wiz (+4) will easily punk out the Knicks, but I’m even more confident that these teams will score less than 200 combined points. Washington minus Larry Hughes still looks good, though not offensively dominant. The Knicks will be overly amped, which should help them clamp down on D but may also make for overthrown passes and shots going long. I feel an 87-82 type of game here.

Cavaliers +7.5 at Spurs
Never give LeBron 7.5 points.

We’ll see how I did tomorrow, eh?

"I say, old bean, if you cannot remit payment by sundown, I'm afraid I'll have to lop off your boisenberries."

2 Legit (except for that uni-brow chump)

The Mavs can whine all they want about being tired; the Bucks didn’t have any trouble bouncing back to win the second of their back-to-back road games after an OT win. Milwaukee appeared to be the fresher team in the second half; they scrapped harder for every loose ball and board. Speaking the glass, Bogut’s 17 rebounds were nice, but let’s chalk a few of those up to the fraudulence of that NJ front line, eh? As Stephen Colbert would say, “I called it.” Oh, and TJ Ford, the guy who couldn’t hit an 18 footer in college? He’s swishing momentum-altering NBA 3s now. As Stuart Scott would say, “Holla!” Can you guess which of those quotes makes me want to jam a fork in my ear?

Best plays I saw last night:

-Stephon Marbury was posting up poor little Delonte West, backing him down with ease. As Marbury spun right to lay it up, West stuck out his left hand and smacked the ball off Marbury’s enormous dome.

-Bo Outlaw flung a 20 foot alley-oop pass to Dwight Howard, who caught it and threw it down so hard I thought the rim had accused him of sucking as bad as Bo Outlaw.

-Any Cleveland fast break. Hughes and James were one-upping each other on sweet passes and wicked finishes. David Stern was also in attendance. They brought him down to sit in with the TV guys, and during the interview, they asked him what he thought of LeBron. With James sitting right underneath them and about to check in, Stern deadpans “He’s funny-looking.” Priceless.

-Tracy McGrady introduced Francisco Garcia to the NBA by torching him on the baseline for an easy bucket, then came down hobbling (he’s still suffering from knee tendonitis). Hey kid, you got posterized by a one-legged superstar in your first minute of playing time. Welcome to The League.

Worst play I saw last night:

-Mehmet Okur’s ridiculous, over-the-shoulder three-point heave that banked in as the shot clock expired. No one on that ugly-ass team even knew the shot clock was about to go off, and Okur only realized it because he saw the clock at the other end of the court. He flings it up and banks it in to seal the Mavs’ fate. For those of you unfamiliar with Mehmet Okur, feel free to take a look:

And that’s him all cleaned up in the real world, not sweating buckets and making the constipated “I can’t believe how many times I’m getting dunked on” face all game.

Getting beat sucks. Getting beat by the soft, slow, jump-shooting little brother of differently-abled “LA Law” intern Benny Stulwicz sucks worse.

Cardiac Kids

[edit: Cuban annihilates TNT and rips the Suns a bit, too -- definitely worth checking out http://www.blogmaverick.com/.]

This is going to be a long season -- a good one, in all likelihood, but one that will hasten the evacuation of my follicles.

Continuing their pattern from the playoffs, the Mavs looked godawful for 3 quarters. They played tight and anxious, as evidenced by overthrown passes, ill-advised swipes at players already at the cup, and oh-so-many offensive fouls. They lacked any sort of offensive cohesion, and Dirk still appeared tentative and spastic. All of this culminated in a 17-point deficit with 8 minutes left. And then the Mavs did their thing, stealing a game from the Suns they had no business winning.

Heroic moments:
-Dirk’s three 3s in the fourth, all of which came under five minutes to go, I believe
-Howard harassing Marion into a 4-12 night over 51 minutes
-Down 5 with 29 secs left in OT, Daniels hit a huge 3
-Howard then forced a Nash miss (yeah, he does that once in awhile) with 3.3 secs in OT
-Terry hits the layup at the buzzer to send us to double OT
-From there, Daniels and Van Horn salted the game away with the three-ball, some free throws, and a clutch steal

You need one of two things to be successful on offense in the NBA: a sound system or good PG. For Phil Jackson, Jerry Sloan, or Jeff Van Gundy, only a caretaker/defender is needed at the point; their schemes revolve a set of well-designed plays in which everyone acts out a role. Elsewhere, players like Baron Davis, Steve Nash, and Jason Kidd turn stagnant four-corner offenses into scoring machines with their vision, penetration, and passing. You need one of those things, and the Mavs have neither. What we have are 4 average to above-average ball-handlers at their positions on the floor at any time, which can generate offense, but leaves us prone to stuttering fits of incompetence. At least until the 4th.

Mavs 1, D'Antoni 0.

Defibrillator, please.

Opening Night Observations

TNT Pregame

Reggie Miller instead of Magic Johnson? Boing! Reggie acquits himself well, even making the objective pick of Deh-twah in the East. Turns out the mild earthquake initially reported in Indiana was just 147,000 people simultaneously dropping dead from stab wounds in the back.

Doug Collins went platinum blonde. Since when did this become the preferred expression of midlife crisis? Can’t he just drink?

Giving pointers to Danny Granger on becoming the next Reggie, Scot Pollard reminds him to “go to the hole real soft” and “shoot with two hands like this -- [effeminate tossing motion] ‘Two hands! Yay!’ “

Spurs Ring Ceremony

“We’re not going to fall for a banana in the tailpipe.”
-Tim Duncan

Featured game: Bucks 117, Sixers 108 (OT)

Wow, Bogut looks 100% legit at PF next to Magloire. Nice help D, good box-outs on Webber, took multiple charges. Got stuck on AI in OT and made him give up the ball. Finished after hard fouls from Webber on two separate OT possessions. Didn’t complain when one wasn’t called. Gakked on a great alley-oop from TJ Ford for the only blemish I saw on his night.

Bogut shined, but it was the TJ Ford coming-out party. What his near-triple-double might not tell you:
-Iverson had a big evening, but Ford made him work extremely hard for it. Very active hands, stayed in front, and fought through picks all night.
-He’s just faster than everyone else in the league, even AI. In a 5 point game with less than 2 minutes left in the 4th, he got a rebound and went coast-to-coast in 4.6 seconds for an easy lay-up through a set defense. Please re-read that if you aren’t impressed (or want to know why you should get a DVR).
-He's developed an incredible crossover, though he sent it off a defender’s foot at a crucial time.
-And he still has ice water in his veins. Worked the clock down to nothing before setting up Redd’s 3 to send the game to OT.

Sixers look okay as long as Webber’s fresh. Any bets on how long that lasts? Whatever your number, I’ll take the under.

The Bucks:
-Are now 6-0 in Philly on NBA opening nights. No, I’m not kidding.
-Will not be on national TV at all, which is all y’all’s loss.
-Are easily my second-favorite team now.

Other observations on the evening:

The Kings/Hornets game told me nothing about the Hornets and everything about the Kings.

Chris Paul looks a little out of control all the time, but he can shoot. Hit a 3 from 3 ft behind the line to beat the clock in the 2nd when it was still close.

Did I just hear the Violent Femmes being played over the loudspeaker in Oklahoma City? And did they just follow it up with “Billy Jean?” And here I thought that was Toby Keith KKKountry.

Carmelo looks reborn. Strong enough to finish a layup through Duncan and Mohammed, fast enough to embarrass Bowen with a sick crossover.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Since when was Terrance Howard in the previews for the 50 Cent movie? You can’t just go around digitally inserting guys like that, can you?

A fresh Finley in the 4th doesn't hurt. Unless it's one of his cold nights. But for now, the Mavericks South are happy to have him.

And the Mavs? Well, I just about broke my remote after our fifth charge in the first half, so, yeah. Looking good. More about them later.

Why Cali NBA sucks

I'm more of a federalist than a states' rights guy (unless we have an evil, dictatorial President from, um, some place or other), but this blog was started with a regional slant, and what better way to cement that than ripping some other region's NBA product?

Not that California doesn't deserve it. It does. Disagree? See if you think so after we review its NBA shortcomings...

5) Kwame Brown

Man, I hate quitters. Kwame will start out on fire just like he does in the first six weeks of every season, and the media will start slobbering all over Phil's coaching genius. But at some point, he'll go right back in the tank -- I mean, he staged a sickout against his own team during his first-ever playoffs. Maybe it's Jordan's fault for riding him so hard, but I don't know that Kobe, Phil, and the LA spotlight will be any easier on this weak-minded simp.

4) Rick Adelman

I nearly got option paralysis trying to choose from all the "Rick Adelman face" variations out there. Seriously, has anyone done less with more in the last 5 years (well, other than Kwame with his own talent)? Webber was dominant, and even if he faded in the clutch, guys like Bibby and Peja couldn't wait to step up in the last seconds of a game. Christie, Vlade, and Bobby Jackson were all lethal in various ways, too. There's no reason to hate Adelman, but he sure does suck.

3) The Golden State Brass

Chris Mullin is schizophrenic. That's the only explanation I can give. He hired Mike Montgomery, a doddering Rick Adelman impersonator who said the following after his first year in the NBA: "It was difficult. Everything happened so fast. You don't have as much time to correct the things that you don't do well." Sounds like a keeper! He gave huge deals to Adonal Foyle and Derek Fisher. He drafted (and just re-upped for $9 mil per) Mike Dunleavy. Of course, Mullin also dealt for Baron Davis, drafted sleeper studs like Troy Murphy and Ike Diogu (though they play the same position), has shown patience developing Jason Richardson, and managed to get his hands on the best name in the league: Zarko Cabarkapa. So, I guess kudos to "good Chris" for fighting against the crippling moves of "bad Chris," but major minuses to ownership for not properly medicating him.

2) Jerry Buss's hair.

Boy, you got a purty shirt, too.





1)

D'Antoni rips Marion for pot use

From the Dallas Morning News today:
"He [Steve Nash] has to play at that level, and Shawn Marion maybe even has to play at a higher level, which I don't know if it's possible. He's awful high anyway." – Mike D'Antoni on what will be expected out of Nash and Marion in Amare Stoudemire's absence.

At least, that's how I read it.