How you know Bill Simmons has gone insane

"Meanwhile, with everyone finally healthy, the Clippers seem to be hitting their potential. Nobody in the league has a better eight-man nucleus; nobody has more options down the stretch; nobody can give you more looks."

The Clippers are hitting their potential, yes. But let's break the rest of this statement down, shall we?

1) Nobody has a better 8 man nucleus.

Clips      Spurs    Pistons    Mavs       Suns

Brand      Duncan   Billups    Nowitzki   Nash
Cassell    Parker   R. Wallace Howard     Marion
Maggette   Ginobili B. Wallace Terry      Diaw
Mobley     Bowen    Prince     Stackhouse Bell
Kaman      Mohammed Hamilton   Dampier    Thomas
Livingston Finley   McDyess    Harris     Barbosa
Radmonovic Horry    Evans      Daniels    James
Q. Ross    Barry    Delk       Diop       T. Thomas

Is anybody blown away by what the Clippers bring to the table compared to the other teams? Detroit scares me more 1-5, Dallas has equally talented starters and has a much nastier 6-8, the Spurs run out Robert Horry as #7 compared to Vlad Radmonovic, who might be more like #6 for the Clips. The Clips have the Suns beat 1-8, sure, but everybody else can make the claim that their playoff roster is better. So at least 3 teams could argue they have a better 8-man rotation once you actually stop and compare the rosters. And why did Bill pick 8? Was he that infatuated with former SMU star Quinton Ross? I sure hope not.

2) Nobody has more options down the stretch.

Err, okay. Let's refer to the rosters again. Would you mind having Billups or Hamilton or Rasheed Wallace or even Tayshaun Prince driving to the hoop or taking a big 3 for the win? What if you could have Dirk, Terry, Stackhouse, Howard, Daniels, and Harris on the floor with the game on the line? All of them have pulled off a buzzer-beating play already. And don't forget about Big-Shot Bob, Duncan, Ginobili, and the secret MVP of the league, Tony Parker. Are you telling me Brand and Cassell make up for all of that? Mobley is far from clutch, and Maggette's never had a chance to prove it.

3) Nobody can give you more looks.

I take it Simmons means the Clips can go either big or small, offense or defense, down the stretch; he's touting their versatility. In response, please allow me to present the Dallas Mavericks, the team most likely to dispatch the Clips in 5 games in round 1. Dallas can go big: Damp, Diop, Dirk, Howard, and Daniels. Wow. Dallas can go small: Terry, Harris, Stack, Howard, and Dirk. Dallas can go for the D: Harris, Daniels, Howard, Dirk (yes, he's fine now), and Damp. Dallas can go for big points: Terry, Stackhouse, Daniels, Howard, and Dirk. None of this includes Van Horn, either, who is out for the year.

The Spurs, meanwhile, can use Van Exel, Parker, Ginobili, Horry, and Duncan. Or Mohammed, Duncan, Horry, Bowen, and Ginobili. Or Parker, Ginobili, Finley, Horry, and Duncan. Whatever.

The Pistons and Suns aren't so fortunate, sure.

Final Tally

Every one of these statements is egregiously false. The Clips can hang with their top 8, but they aren't in the class of DET, SA, or DAL, and they certainly aren't the most clutch or versatile, especially compared to the Mavs and Spurs.

Three strikes and you're out, Bill.