Wally World for Slick Rick: The ho-hummest big trade ever

It took seven players and three draft picks for Wally Szczerbiak and Ricky Davis to swap teams. What the f*** for? One guy's a max-contract spot-up shooter who doesn't play well with teammates, the other is a ball-hogging streak-shooter who kills you on the defensive end. If there were ever two players stuck in their one-dimensional, hurt-you-as-much-as-help-you games, it would be Ricky and Wally. A change of scenery won't improve either guy at this point, and trading one headache for another seems remarkably short-sighted.

Hilariously, the Sports Guy sounds fired up about the deal. He sees the 29-year-old Szczerbiak as a scorer "in his prime." That sounds an awful lot like a guy who's "as good as he's going to get," so, um, why the hell would you want him around? He shoots 50%, yes. He also moves his feet like Dikembe Mutombo, but without the long arms to make up for it. He doesn't pass well, he doesn't play the break very well, and he rebounds poorly for a player his size.

But forget his game. He regularly pissed off the most likeable guy in the league, and doesn't Paul Pierce seem just a little grumpier than Kevin Garnett to you? What happens when Wally starts jacking up the contested 3-balls instead of finding Pierce cutting to the hoop for what would be an easy deuce?

The Boston media loves it when a big name rolls into town. This is the same group that lavished praise on Antoine Walker when he joined them for a second stint, immediately forgetting how many dozens of times he shot them out of a game or got burned on defense in the prior 8 years. Naturally, once he began doing those things again, they couldn't wait to ship him *back* out of town. Szczerbiak may hit a few more shots than Walker did, but when he can't box his guy out, stop the other guy from strolling to the hoop, or pass to Pierce, they'll turn on him, too. Stupid move.

Ricky to the T-Wolves isn't much better. Thinking about Rashad McCants and Ricky Davis playing together and/or going at it in practice thrills me to no end. The Sports Guy claims Ricky's a better guy and teammate now than in years past, but I predict it won't take long for McCants to bring out the worst in Ricky again -- especially when they share the floor. I can see the train(s) of thought now:

McCants: "1 in a row! I'm on fire! Heat check from 28 feet!"
Clang.
Ricky: "Damn it, I was open on the wing. That should've been my shot!"
While Ricky's distracted, his man takes it to the hoop.
Ricky: "My turn, now, rook!"
McCants comes open off a screen, Ricky ignores him and goes up with a hand in his face.
Ricky: "Money ball!"
Clang.
McCants: "I'm gonna eat your children."

...and so on.

The best part: the Daily Dime informs us Minnesota could have had Steve Francis instead of Davis. Now, I would never advocate the acquisition of Francis, but to value Davis over Francis seems flat-out wrong. I suppose this tells you how far Francis' stock has dropped, but I have to believe he'll be easier to move than Davis when everything falls apart next year.

Neither team got better. Neither player is likely to get better. Next, please.

Plantar fasciitis: the season killer

Tim Duncan suffers from plantar fasciitis. According to Healthlink, it's an "inflammation of the plantar fascia, a thin layer of tough tissue supporting the arch of the foot. Repeated microscopic tears of the plantar fascia cause pain. " According to me, it spells the end of the Spurs' title hopes.

The only medicine is rest. Months of it. I doubt I have to tell you there isn't any rest scheduled on Duncan's Outlook calendar until sometime in July. As a result, Timmy D's going to have grumpy feet the rest of the season, and while he can't actually make it worse by playing on it, the playoff grind could cause him agony. He'll need more rest and will be at least a little distracted by the pain. It can be hard to dominate when every push off your foot causes one of those microscopic tears.

Duncan has scored double digits in every game. He's working on 7 double-doubles in a row. But his scoring is down a touch for the year, and watching him, he seems to be working harder than usual to accomplish even the little things. Even if he gets past the Mavs in the second round, can he keep up with the Suns and a fresh-legged Amare Stoudamire in the conference finals? If so, what on Earth could he have left in the tank for the Pistons? The Spurs seem to hate a repeat, and unless Parker's ascension to top 5 PG is complete, I suspect this condition could keep them from one.

Michael Finley's career descent began with a bout of plantar fasciitis in 2001. Until then, he was the league's iron man and a quality all-around guard. I'm not here to predict the same kind of crash and burn for Duncan, but when you factor in his ankle troubles in previous seasons, he does appear to be more fragile as he approaches the big 3-0. Naggies injuries can slowly undo a player, as they did Finley. Let's hope one the game's best players won't be stuck behind the big-man equivalent of Brent Barry in a few years.

Isiah's masterful strip club plan for victory

"Allegedly." Feel free to apply that to everything that follows.

First, you should probably read this bizarre AP story explaining the pending sexual harassment suit against Knicks GM and CBA wrecker Isiah Thomas.

Second, wow. Just... wow. I don't even know where to begin.

I guess I'll start with the legal issues, namely Isiah's inappropriate advances towards a marketing VP. Anyone shocked by these allegations? Raise your hand. And keep it up so I can hit it with a ruler. Who could be surprised? As Bill Simmons reminds us here and here, Isiah cold-cocked his best friend on his team. He froze MJ out of an All-Star game. He was so disliked by the other players he was kept off the original Dream Team. Oh, yeah, and he physically threatened a web columnist (that would be Simmons) on-air. This kind of gross display of selfishness and inappropriateness would hardly be out of character.

Now let's examine the "B" story in the article, Isiah's sneaky plan for NBA success. Thomas supposedly claimed that he wanted more noon games on Sundays so he could use his strip club connections to get opposing players so wasted on Saturday nights they'd be useless the next day.

1) "Strip club connections?" Huh. I wonder what kind of legitimate relationship(s) Isiah could have with strip clubs. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's on the up-and-up.

2) This is your plan for success? It's not resolving the possible Marbury/Brown feud, or finding someone who can shoot from downtown, or learning how not to sign and/or trade for slugs like Jerome James or uninsurable underachievers who might drop dead on the court? Maybe the plan for success could involve not giving away all your first round picks. But I guess all that pales in comparison to trying to steal a few wins via "DNP - Hangover" in the opposing boxscore. This is the guiding light of your franchise, New York. Celebrate.

3) Does anyone think NBA players are doing anything other than getting tanked at strip clubs the night before games? Show me an oversexed NBA player with a hangover and I'll show you an NBA player. Doesn't Isiah remember his playing days, when his sexual harassment was limited to Gold Club waitresses and champagne room attendants? You could lock an NBA baller in a warehouse of hookers and Everclear for a week and he'd be ready to suit up after a twenty-minute cat nap. So not only was Isiah's plan creepy and pathetic, it was also moronic.

Allegedly.

46-1 is tough to beat

Since November, 2003, the Mavericks are now 46-1 when holding opponents under 90 points. 46 of 47 times, if they hold a team under 90, they get the 'W.' I could reiterate that statement a few more times, but you get the point.

There's no question they're far from a perfect defensive team, and when Dallas faces a PG who can slash and shoot, they usually cough up a great many points. Still, if they can get a handle on the defensive end per AJ's demands, the Mavs may wind up as the most dominant team in the league. 46-1 should send alarm bells ringing throughout the NBA: if the Mavs can defend with authority in the playoffs, SA and Detroit beware.

Dallas papers clash over Dampier benching

By now, most followers of the NBA have heard that Erick Dampier has been moved to a bench role for the Mavs. DeSagana Diop finally received his long-overdue spot in the starting lineup and Dallas responded with 3 straight blowout victories, only 1 less than they'd had all year before the switch.

With no game to cover last night, both the Forth Worth Star-Telegram and the Dallas Morning News decided to run a piece on how Dampier feels about being pushed to the bench. Nothing shocking there. Take a look at the headlines:

Star-Telegram: "New role not appealing"
Morning News: "Dampier takes it sitting down"

Despite something vaguely unsettling about the DMN headline, it doesn't necessarily contradict the S-T. But take a look at their respective first lines:

S-T: "Erick Dampier isn't comfortable. Not with coming off the bench or his role this season."
DMN: "Erick Dampier is not discouraged about being bumped out of the starting lineup. "

Huh? Okay, maybe Damp's quotes will shed some light on this:

S-T: "'I'm not really comfortable with it, but I just do whatever I can,' Dampier said of coming off the bench."
DMN: "Is the move to the bench upsetting in any way to the 6-11 center? 'Not at all,' Dampier says. 'I was just taken out of the lineup. I wasn't benched. I still get to go out and help the team win. I'm comfortable.' "

What the f*** is going on here? I can't recall a time when two papers covered the same story this contradictorally. Is that even a word? I don't care -- the universe is clearly caving in on itself.

Apologies for the delay -- I've been covering football (blasphemy!)

While I'm shocked there hasn't been widespread rioting in the streets over the recent lack of texasnba.com content, I have no doubt many of you find the days a little less sunny without a Mavs/Spurs/Rockets-related rant.

Why the delay? Well, I was tapped to cover the East-West Shrine Game, a college football all-star game in San Antonio, for a few football sites. If you're a football fan, check out my first article. It's also posted on sportsoutlaw.com and a few other sites. Apparently Sigmund Bloom and I are one of only 2 groups covering the Shrine Game practices. The other is a paid scouting service some teams use. We're big-time, baby.

Close games could be bad sign

The Mavs are 19-4 in games decided by single digits. That's a great mark... if you're 50 games into the season. If you happen to have played only 32 games, though, it's cause for concern. The Mavs have only been involved in 9 games with margin greater than 10, but more alarmingly, only 4 of their wins have come by that amount. When you have the third-most wins in the league, that suggests you have trouble closing games out.

On Monday night, Stackhouse hit an incredible baseline jumper with .1 seconds left to win in Beantown. Of course, the Mavs had a 12 point lead with under 5 minutes to play, so it shouldn't have come to that, should it?

Ditto the previous win over Denver. The Mavs were up by 6 or more for much of the fourth, but down the stretch they wilted on both ends and let the Nugs push them to OT. Again, kudos to the Mavs for keeping after it and gutting out a big road win, but the game should've been won in regulation.

Why is this happening? Why are the Mavs struggling to close teams out? Well, I'll tell you: they can't pass.

John Hollinger's assist numbers show the Mavs as the second-worst passing team in the league, ahead of only the Knicks. Yikes. And they're only ahead by a tenth of an assist per game. The Magic are almost half an assist per game ahead of the Mavs.

When the fourth draws to a close, teams really tighten up their defense. As a result, the Mavs have trouble scoring the way they usually do in a game: one-on-one penetration off screens. The Mavs players suddenly get double-teamed and aren't so adept at (or used to) passing the ball and finding the open man. I haven't been able to find a quarter-by-quarter breakdown of turnover stats yet, but you can bet the Mavs throw it away the most in the fourth.

Remember how hard it was for the Mavs to score in the playoffs? That's because teams play that kind of intense D for every possession, not just down the stretch. And it appears they could be headed for the same struggles again.

When the game comes down to a single possession, the Mavs have repeatedly found ways to score. It's been impressive. But it shouldn't have to come to that in many of the games they've played so far this year, and when they're up against the Spurs in round 2, they're going to wish they could sling that ball around the horn a little better.

Dirk or Kobe? The NBA makes the call...

Despite the best scoring performance in year, despite getting his team's record above .500 in December, Kobe Bryant isn't the Western Conference Player of the Month. Dirk is. How 'bout them apples?