Isiah's masterful strip club plan for victory

"Allegedly." Feel free to apply that to everything that follows.

First, you should probably read this bizarre AP story explaining the pending sexual harassment suit against Knicks GM and CBA wrecker Isiah Thomas.

Second, wow. Just... wow. I don't even know where to begin.

I guess I'll start with the legal issues, namely Isiah's inappropriate advances towards a marketing VP. Anyone shocked by these allegations? Raise your hand. And keep it up so I can hit it with a ruler. Who could be surprised? As Bill Simmons reminds us here and here, Isiah cold-cocked his best friend on his team. He froze MJ out of an All-Star game. He was so disliked by the other players he was kept off the original Dream Team. Oh, yeah, and he physically threatened a web columnist (that would be Simmons) on-air. This kind of gross display of selfishness and inappropriateness would hardly be out of character.

Now let's examine the "B" story in the article, Isiah's sneaky plan for NBA success. Thomas supposedly claimed that he wanted more noon games on Sundays so he could use his strip club connections to get opposing players so wasted on Saturday nights they'd be useless the next day.

1) "Strip club connections?" Huh. I wonder what kind of legitimate relationship(s) Isiah could have with strip clubs. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's on the up-and-up.

2) This is your plan for success? It's not resolving the possible Marbury/Brown feud, or finding someone who can shoot from downtown, or learning how not to sign and/or trade for slugs like Jerome James or uninsurable underachievers who might drop dead on the court? Maybe the plan for success could involve not giving away all your first round picks. But I guess all that pales in comparison to trying to steal a few wins via "DNP - Hangover" in the opposing boxscore. This is the guiding light of your franchise, New York. Celebrate.

3) Does anyone think NBA players are doing anything other than getting tanked at strip clubs the night before games? Show me an oversexed NBA player with a hangover and I'll show you an NBA player. Doesn't Isiah remember his playing days, when his sexual harassment was limited to Gold Club waitresses and champagne room attendants? You could lock an NBA baller in a warehouse of hookers and Everclear for a week and he'd be ready to suit up after a twenty-minute cat nap. So not only was Isiah's plan creepy and pathetic, it was also moronic.

Allegedly.