Artest to Texas: Making the case

"You see this wedding ring? Can you believe someone married my crazy ass?"

ESPN Insider's Chris Sheridan ran a column in which he proposed the most likely Artest trade scenario for each NBA team and graded its "plausibility" from 1 to 5. Naturally, most of his trade ideas were lame and he listed the famously trade-happy Mavs as one of the most likely to make a move (4/5). The Rockets and Spurs were deemed unlikely to chase the erratic star (1/5).

Ron Artest is a maniac. Every interview he does shows him oscillating from exuberance to dejection, spitefulness to optimism, heart-in-the-right-place sensitivity to maddening selfishness. Who else would talk about coming off the bench behind LeBron in Cleveland in the immediately after expressing his desire to be featured on offense like Iverson? The poor guy is a nonfictional version of Tom Hanks in "Big," a childish slave to naive emotion.

But he can ball.

Like TO, there are a number of teams who might be close enough to the title with enough good guys in the locker room to gamble on Artest. You probably have only 1-2 seasons of positive contributions before something bad happens (he demands another trade, retires, robs a liquor store, whatevs), and his deal runs out after '07-'08, but if you secure the title in that period, any dramatic fallout would almost certainly be worth it. Interestingly, all 3 Texas teams could conceivably benefit from a deal. To play devil's advocate, let's make a case for all 3 and see if any stick.

San Antonio

Obviously, they already have the pieces to win it all. But the backup SG position doesn't wow anyone. Finley's been, well, Finley -- streaky on offense (and at 37% shooting for the year, more cold than not), a liability on defense -- and Brent Barry barely seems interested in playing. Given Artest's malleability and his openness to coming off the bench for the Cavs, don't you think Pop could convince him to be some kind of super sixth man? Or maybe you sit Bowen and bring in the only guy who can shut down perimeter players better than him while scoring with ease. No one on the Spurs would be rattled by his antics; this team is as stable as they come, and Pop's experience with Rodman prepared him nicely for this challenge. Parker, Ginobli, Artest, Duncan, Mohammed. Ye gads. Instead of Sheridan's Oberto/Barry package (no one would take Barry anymore), sacrifice Oberto and send Finley for better name recognition (but equally bad play) and make this happen.

Houston

They need a third scorer. They need someone to take perimeter pressure off McGrady. They need a legit 2-guard. They have nothing to lose this year. And can you imagine being the 1 or 2 seed in the West and facing off against Yao, Tracy, and Ron? You might not score 80 a game against them. Ron would get plenty of the shots he wants, and he might even buy the team some time to rest McGrady's bad back without losing every single game. He plays the defense Van Gundy loves and might respect locker-room leaders like Jon Barry. Stromile Swift didn't work out, and David Wesley appears done, but both players might seem enticing to the Pacers based on their needs (someone behind O'Neal and a great shooter off the bench to replace Reggie). Sheridan's "deal" of Barry and Moochie Norris is ludicrous, but why wouldn't you make my offer? Like I said, you've got nothing to lose this year.

Dallas

Naturally, everyone assumes Trader Cuban is aflutter over a new star landing on the block. Fortunately, however, the Mavs have begun to show signs of trying to stabilize the roster instead of swinging for every fence in the neighborhood. That said, this is an elite talent. The real reason Cubes and Donnie Nelson are probably working the phones is because Artest solves their greatest weakness: perimeter defense. To try and fix this, Dallas started Doug Christie's ghost, for god's sake; having Ron Artest to dam up the flood of penetration would be huge. The Mavs rely on Darrell Armstrong and Jason Terry to man the locker room fairly well, but Avery Johnson's bigger-than-life personality might be the key to inspiring and mentoring Artest just long enough to slip a ring on his finger. This is one place Sheridan suggested the right deals, too: either Jerry Stackhouse straight up (if healthy) or Keith Van Horn's solid play and expiring deal for Artest and Austin Croshere.

Would I be nervous if the Mavs made a deal? You bet. If they give up a young cog like Howard (a budding Artest with some sanity) or Daniels (underappreciated jack of all trades), I'd be firmly against it, too. But sacrificing a bench player for the perimeter answer we need, one who barely makes 6 mil a year and could be moved easily if it didn't work, would be worth the risk.

In the end, it says here Sacramento moves Peja for him. That deal makes the most sense for everyone involved.

Of all the Texas teams, the Rockets might gain the most from Artest but seem less likely to chase a risk than the Mavs. Avery believes he can "fix" anybody (see: Dampier, Erick) and we all know Dallas gets pwned by any guard who can keep a dribble. Unless the Mavs can find some other magic way of curing what ails them, I say you sell your soul and hope for the best.