Quinn Buckner, we hardly knew ye. Let's keep it that way.

1994-1995 was a disastrous year for the Mavericks. Other than a roster of some of my favorite Mavs names ever (including Fat Lever and Popeye Jones), the only good news to come out of that 13-69 season was the #2 pick in the 1995 draft, Jason Kidd.

The Dallas coach that season (and that season only) was the mighty Quinn Buckner. According to Basketball-Reference.com, as a player at age 23, Quinn had a season statistically similar to the one George Karl had at the same age. As coaches, about the only thing they had in common were the four games in which they shared the same floor -- four games the Sonics won by a combined 83 points. Yum.

All of that is an awkward way of saying Buckner was terribly overmatched as a coach. Unfortunately, he appears overmatched as a color commentator, too. During last night's NBATV telecast of Dallas's 84-75 whupping of Indiana, they carried the Pacers broadcast, and I was reunited with Quinn for the first time in a long time.

Buckner and Faletti: Brothers in gap-tooth-dom.

Buckner committed several cardinal broadcast sins.

Sin #1) Not admitting his initial call/reaction was wrong even when replays clearly demonstrated it.

The best example of this was a putback slam by Danny Granger that was waved off as offensive basket interference. Quinn practically had a heart attack over the "missed call," but then they showed the replay four or five times. Unmistakably, the ball sat on the rim when he slammed it down. That's interference. But after every review, Quinn only got madder. At the end of the game, he actually referred to it as the "play of the game" because it "robbed the Pacers of all their momentum."

Sin #2) Making the same lame excuse for every mistake.

Turns out the Pacers were a few days removed from an 8-day west coast road trip. Listening to Buckner, though, you'd swear they just returned from taking enemy fire in Khandahar 16 hours ago. Every turnover, every missed shot, every blown defensive assignment was attributed to the "unbelievable exhaustion" and "disorientation" that comes along with such a "grueling trip." At one point, with the Pacers down 31-23, Quinn actually said, "Given what they've been through, I'm surprised it's this close!" Well, what they went through was 5 games in 8 days, 3 of which were 20-point blow-outs. They also had a (gasp!) 3-hour time difference to overcome upon their return. Given that they had 48 hours to sleep off such unendurable agony, though, I'm confused about why it was such an issue. After all, the Mavs were playing their 8th game in 12 days and had just played in Chicago the previous night. They're also down to about 7 healthy bodies. Announcers just need to stop with the fatigue excuse. They haven't even played 20 games of the schedule yet; no one should be too tired to execute. It certainly doesn't account for every oopsie committed by your team.

Sin #3) Being wrong all the time.

All the time might be an exaggeration, but he was often comically exposed. For example, in the first half, Devin Harris drove hard to the hoop and was physically assaulted by David Harrison. After Harris crashed to the floor, Buckner chuckled and asserted that would be "the last time he tries to do that [drive the lane]." Sure enough, on the next two possessions, Harris charged toward the bucket, hitting 1 of 2 tough layups and drawing another foul. Smooth analysis, Quinno.

Like every team, the Mavs have their own announcing issues. Other than Calvin "Have you met my hot daughter(s)?" Murphy, though, I've never been this annoyed. The Clippers announcers are world-class compared to Buckner.

Other observations from the win:

-The small-forward-covering-Dirk defense initiated by Jeff Van Gundy in last year's playoffs is now being trotted out by most teams against the Blonde Bomber. He's getting better at killing it. On this night, he was covered by defensive savant Ron Artest, and within 5 minutes, Dirk slapped him with 2 fouls and a couple buckets. Rick Carlisle then put rookie SF Danny Granger on him for much of the game. This might explain why Nowitzki racked up 30+ for the 3rd game in a row.

-Why is it suddenly okay to body slam an opponent who's covered up a loose ball? And why is that always called a jump ball now? Last night, Keith Van Horn jumped on a loose ball, and Jermaine O'Neal jumped on him. After letting O'Neal scratch and claw to get a finger on the ball, Jack Nies blew the whistle and put his thumbs up. That would be effing unbelievable except that it happens in every game at every level now. Poke my eyes out, please.

-Speaking of KVH, he twice shouted the "F" word during the game. I like him much more now, don't you?